Sunday, February 5, 2017

The struggle is real

Today I woke up just before 6am with a migraine. Haven't had a bad one in quite a while, which has been nice.
That was pretty much me for the day.
Then late this afternoon I started to feel better. I made a coffee and got something to eat.
The kids had been fending for themselves all day, which is fine, they are capable.

I drank my coffee and ate a sandwich and broke another chunk off my broken molar.
This constitutes a disaster.
Ya see, I've been a single parent for almost 3 years. It's been 3 years since I could afford to go to the dentist. So when I broke this tooth initially (on the plane in May last year) there really wasn't anything I could do about it, except hope that sometime in the next few months I would make enough money to be able to go to the dentist.
I didn't.
So my hands were tied.
Now that tooth is broken again and worse.
I guess a liquid diet is one way to lose a bit of weight? (Could be a hidden bonus!)

I'm left trying to work out what I have that I can sell and that will bring in the thousands I now need to get this tooth (and it's broken friend) sorted.
It's not going well.

I have my books. You'd think a series of 8 novels would bring in some cash?
They're not selling in anywhere near the quantities needed to pay for anything let alone dental work in NZ which is horrendously expensive and not subsidized by the government once you turn 18. I turned 18 a very long time ago and have been paying a large fortune for dental care ever since, stopping 3 years ago because I simply did not have the resources then or now. Everything I scrape up goes toward our living expenses. I'm pretty much just trying to think this through using my fingers ... I know I can't pay off any dental work because there isn't any extra money for paying anything off and it would require a big fat deposit anyway.

Disregarding this major hiccough I've managed quite well - the kids are fed, clothed, schooled, housed, and have all the medication they require and regular Dr visits etc. The problem is I can manage just fine on very little as long as nothing major happens. And it has. And I'm now a bit stuffed really.

Today is a tad sucky. Post-migraine fog and a totally fucked tooth are not making for a happy time.
There's another problem with this dental dilemma. I have a long standing jaw issue (thanks to an inept surgeon when I was a teenager) which means an lower jaw molar surgical extraction (yes that's what it will be) requires heavy sedation or general anesthetic ... and that requires more money but more than that, someone has to pick me up from the dentist and bring me home and keep an eye on me.
Not the easiest thing to manage on my own. If sales had gone well over the last year I would've been able to get everything sorted and be back having regular yearly check ups and organize to have this problem sorted while My Knight was home so there is someone here to take care of me afterwards. But, that's not how things have played out.
The sales aren't there - no idea why, they're just not. So organizing major dental work around My Knights visits home isn't something I can achieve at this point.
He'll be in NZ soon (Christchurch though) and here on his way back to Perth. :(

And, well, I'm a lotto loser AGAIN.
I did buy a ticket in the big draw last week and that was my last charity donation for quite some time. :)

Feeling like a bit of a failure at the moment.

UPDATE: Monday and the joy continues ... lost the filling from said broken molar while brushing my teeth. Sigh.

I know they ay it takes 10 years to be an overnight success - we are about to arrive at the 8th anniversary of the release of my first novel (not my actual first novel, because that's never going to be released), killerbyte.
Not sure if we can survive another two years.

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