Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The interrogation of Claire Plaisted

 Excuse me folks, so sorry to interrupt, I'm running a bit behind on the interrogations ... life happened and then there was the shortage of sodium thiopental ... and apparently water sports are frowned upon so we had to wait. 
As you were. 

Kia ora,
Please welcome our latest victim guest, Claire Plaisted, On the metal plate suspended above that puddle by wires is a bag of pineapple lumps. Behave and the delicious chewy pineapple and chocolate lumps won’t end up a goopy mess on the floor. Everyone knows they’re best frozen hence the chill in the air and the ice forming on the puddle.
In the event of an earthquake/zombie plague/or random occupation - you’ll find emergency procedures taped to the bottom of your seat and a handcuff key to those cuffs I’ve secured you to the chair with. How you get them is entirely up to you or more accurately depends on how well you answer my questions.
You’ll also find a Glock 17 under the chair … behave and in the advent of disaster I’ll give you a full magazine. Mess me around and you become a zombie chew toy.  

 We good?
Y-yes, honest, I’ll tell you anything you want to know, please don’t hurt me or the pineapple lumps.

What’s your favorite type of takeaway? (Yes, that means take-out in NZ speak)
Chow Mein, yeah I know boring, mind I do like Fish and Chips too, ohhh and Chicken Fried Rice.

Describe your current mental status.
Casually I shrug my shoulders, thinking, hmmmm.  “Away with the faeries and trying to get back on track,” I muttered.

I know how I do what I do … but how do you do what you do?
I open a document and start typing and see what happens, my fingers tend to tell the story.

Could you tell us a little bit about your latest work?
I have two works to publish “Mascosta’s Dreamgirl is book 4 in a series for adults.  My favourite is my children’s book “Girlie and the War of the Wasps, it is really cool and I wrote it for my friend’s grandson who is three.  It is aimed at parents and grandparents to read to the little ones.

What’s your favorite avoidance technique?
Having quiet time by taking my hearing aid out, it can be rather funny too. 

Do you have a favorite coffee or tea?
Cappuccino and English Breakfast Tea.  I did try the Kiwi Breakfast tea and didn’t like it.  I do like Yorkshire tea too, it’s nice and strong.

 Walk us through a typical day. (Do you make sure you’re wearing your lucky underpants before you sit down to write, perhaps you prefer commando?)
A typical day….now you have me, it really depends on what I have planned.  Some days I will sit on the sofa in my dressing gown and write, and write...well until the flow stops.  I could show you if you’d loosen the cuffs a wee bit, please!.  Other days I wake up, grab a cuppa char (TEA to you Kiwi’s) and I’m out the door at the library or networking for my business.

Where do you do most of your writing? (Office? Outside under a tree? On a train? On a plane?)
On the sofa at home, or at the library on their sofa...

What’s on your desk right now? (If indeed you work at a desk and not under a tree.)
Well I do have a desk, I just don’t use it; my son does.  So it has a computer on it, a printer, his art pads and pencils.  He loves to draw.

Who would you turn gay/straight for?
I am who I am, and love my husband.  I’d do anything for him and my children.

Who are your favorite writers?
As a child I loved C S Lewis, Enid Blyton and A A Milne, as an adult, I like thrillers so I go with Clive Cussler (love his history parts) J D Robb, Linda Fairstein and Nora Roberts.  There are many more though.

Do you ever put pants on your dog, cat, or budgie?
I have two cats, and there is no way I’d even try…I like my hands as they are thanks.

Describe your perfect day.
Watching a thunderstorm on the front doorsteps with my husband and children when the girls were little, it was awesome.  Now I take each day as it comes and try and make it perfect for those around me.

Who is your favorite fictitious villain? Or are you all about the hero? Who do you love to hate?
I’m not sure I actually have a favourite villain.  I’m not about hero’s either.  I love the villains in my adult books they are cool.  In fact I scared my daughters with on character in a short story, they were rather shocked and told me I was scary. 

Do you have any quirks? (Let’s face it writers are not normal we all have quirks … )
Well when I’m not trembling in fear of what you may do to me, I’m a funny, rather nutty person who says things at the wrong time and end up crying with laughter, I’m sure it is in the genetics.

All-time favorite movie and why?
I will have to say “HOOK” but only because I burst out laughing at the wrong time and had everyone looking at me with very puzzled expressions, my husband was most bemused.

Red or white wine?
Sweet white, if you have any to spare, oh and I’ll need you to release my hands too so I can drink it, pretty please.

Do you enjoy the editing process? (Feel free to rave about Jayne … yes I left this in and the result amused me!)
I tend to leave a draft for up to 6 weeks before going over it, a process I leant from reading “On Writing” by Stephen King.  The things I have picked up this way have given me a huge giggle.  Now Jayne, I can’t say I know her though she shares one of my daughter’s middle names, spelt the same way too.  Lovely name…oh hell see I telling you lots of useless information, what did you do to me, give me a pineapple lump please…

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
I’m already here, I adore New Zealand and would never willingly live anywhere else, well maybe back to North Wales again, it has an older beauty.

What is one thing you know about New Zealand?  (Please do not mention LOTR or The Hobbit. Am well over them! One mention of anything Tolkien related I’ll let in whatever is bashing on the door …)
It is beautiful, friendly, and…and…I love LOTR so there, it’s awesome, there again so was King Kong, and Narnia stories.  B-bashing at the door, I can’t hear anything, please don’t let it hurt me, I didn’t mean to mention it honest…….noooooo.

Favorite Pizza topping?
What I’m still alive, it licked my face, ohhh a greyhound how lovely, so much for your threats.  I like Meat Lovers topping, however I’m not overly fond of Pizza.

What were you before you became a writer?
Human, now I’m not sure about the human part.  I’m good at research for family history, if that helps at all, oh and I’m a mother as well.

What is the most random thing you have ever done?
Climbed a tree in my parents back yard at the age of 22yrs to read a book, with my cat, who always followed me.  Problem was I couldn’t get out of the tree, my darling daddy caught me.

 If you’re not writing, what are you most likely doing?
During the day I sometimes chat and network with other authors and friends.  Evening, I enjoy being mother.

Who is your ultimate character?
In my own writing, for some strange reason I adore Yuri, he is an African American ex-Navy Seal who is the boss of my GIB Security team  (Garrett Investigation Bureau.)  He looks after everyone, I’d like to hug him.

Inspiration – where do you get yours?
I write what is there, no idea where it really comes from…..shhhh don’t tell anyone else, I sometimes think I have a pixie on my shoulder tell me what to write.

Whiskey or Bourbon?
Southern Comfort

I can hear something trying pretty hard to get through the fire door … any clue what it is?
Yes, my hero Yuri come to rescue me, or is it Ryan my FBI agent, he’s a sweetheart too.

Have you ever been to New Zealand? And if not, why not?
First came for a holiday in 1989.  Came back to live in 1991.

What’s in your pockets? (Or handbag, whatever you carry your stuff in.)
They are empty at the moment.  Don’t use a handbag, I do have a smartphone with a cash for cards….

Are you apocalypse prepared?
I don’t see the point, if life goes to pot and your house crashes down around you how the hell are you supposed to get your kit?

Laptop, PC, tablet?
Laptop, don’t like tablets overly much of any kind, you sure you didn’t put anything in that water you made me drink?

Cat: Just carry on you’re doing great … another drink?

Ebook or tree book?
I read both and I publish in both.

Tequila or vodka?
Eww, is that was the water was, no wonder I feel weird.

Favorite apocalyptic scenario?
I don’t have one, what will be will be, so be nice and let me go, I really want to chew on those pineapple lumps.

Do you write in silence or work best with background noise or music happening?
Surprisingly my home is rather quiet, considering I have kids and a husband, never mind the mad cats who still don’t’ like each other.  I tend to have the TV on in the background.  I don’t always wear my hearing aids so I have lots of silence around me, so the movement on the TV is comforting at times.

You made it. Good job. Now hold still. I need to undo those cuffs because whatever’s outside that door is coming in and I think it might be a herd of walkers.
Grab the pineapple lumps and the Glock and let’s get out of here.
Follow me, there’s a secret passage.

“Eek, do hurry Cat, I want the pineapple lumps.”  The door cracked open, the stampede of walkers approaching as I grabbed the bag lollies and ran after Cat down the secret passage.


Thank you for the fun interview Cat, loved it.

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