Thursday, May 29, 2014

Writer Lethargy

Think it might actually be a thing? Kinda like burn out. It's very much beginning to look that way.
This too shall pass? 
Starting to get a bit annoying though.
My productivity is at an all time low. 
And I thought last year was low ... turns out it wasn't at all. Novella, novel, 12 short stories, poetry - that's perfectly acceptable - especially considering where my head was at. 
I don't think I've finished anything this year. Not a thing - well maybe a few poems? Nothing of any merit.
I have collated stories & poems and published the collections but haven't produced any new work. Haven't even been blogging that much - not like I used to anyway.
Started a novella (gave up because it was too hard? Since when do I give up on things?), started several short stories, started the next novel ... not seeing any finishing happening!
There is something very wrong with that. The most annoying thing is not knowing why. 
Have always been able to sit down and write. Pretty much no matter what's going on or where my head is ... writing has always been a sanctuary of sorts, a happy place (yeah, doesn't make much sense considering the subject matter!).
Bum in chair, writing happens.
Not happening at the moment. I sit down - open the file - ten minutes later my mind has wandered off and it doesn't come back!
Yes there are other distractions at the moment, but there are ALWAYS distractions and they've never actually distracted me before, and quite honestly last year was a much more distracting/tormented year. I have always pushed everything aside to write.
This is taking fractured thoughts to new dizzying heights.
Whatever this is, it's beginning to fuck me off. 
I used to get a lot of pleasure out of writing and yes, even reading my words ... not so at the moment. 
Yeah nah, that's not quite true. 
I do still get a lot of pleasure from writing but I'm not producing work on a regular basis at the moment and therefore not getting that daily shot of joy I'm accustomed to. 

I started to want to improve/finish the kiwi novel earlier this year - got some great feedback, know exactly what to do to ramp up the action ... have zero interest in doing it. 
What's that all about? To be fair I have struggled with that novel from day one, because it's set here, because it's new characters, because IT'S SET HERE. That's a huge obstacle apparently. Also, Action Man hated it - and that killed any enthusiasm I initially felt. Turns out everyone else who has seen it, l loves it, but that doesn't help me want to finish the freaking thing. It SHOULD. It deserves a life of it's own. 
Maybe that's what I need to do?
Set everything else aside and just do this thing and get it off my back?
Could be that's why I can't settle.
I don't want to. Which, is probably the reason why nothing else is working ... this one thing, that I KNOW I have to do and really don't want to. 
And if I'd just got on with it - it'd be done and gone. :)
Time to suck it up?
Yeah maybe.
Still can't find the energy.

I need to talk to my unofficial manager. He's pretty good at figuring this kinda of crazy out. :)















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