Friday, November 15, 2013

Wanna know what it's really like being a writer?

Trust me, you don't.

The fun bit is the writing - which is about two hours of my day. The rest is taken up with all manner of time wasting bullshit - akin to smashing ones head repeatedly into a brick wall - and because I'm particularly stupid, I've been hitting the wall for a few years now.
Brain damaged?
You betcha.
You have to be to even contemplate entering this fucked up world.

And no, in case you're wondering, I have not been drinking. I've been watching Jack Reacher. Well kinda watching it. Yeah nah, still not buying you-know-who as Jack Reacher but whatever. I laughed a few times so that was worth something.

This writing thing goes from adventure to frustration in a heartbeat. These days it's mostly frustration. In fact this has been the worst year ever - this from the person who thought last year was bad! (It sure showed me!)
But the thing is the writing itself - that's where I'm happiest and strongest. If I could just write and if someone else - NOT ME - took care of the other crap (marketing, promo, reviewers, book trailers, most of the stuff that isn't writing!!) then it'd be great.
But, no.
I feel like I'm on my own and I shouldn't feel like that.

I can't figure out why nothing is working. I'm sick to fucking death of being ignored. I hate that I'm so damn loyal.
I'm not seeing anything in this for me. (Beyond the frustration and annoyance!)
Patience? I've been patient. To the point where I should be committed and became an actual patient.

I've had the same complaint/concerns for the last three years and NOTHING has changed.
There is a lot of talking the talk - but no ones walking the walk.
And now I'm wondering why I bother at all.

There is a tipping point ... I have reached it. This is the loading the gun before I shoot myself in the foot place.
Actually foot won't cut it ... head is way better. Gonna do it, do it right.

I'd kinda like to shoot Ellie - we all know that's how it has to end for her. She'll never let me walk away and she won't walk away ... the only way out is her death.
Maybe that's where this is headed?

But then what?

Write a romance and make some money? Yeah nah, I don't want to write romance. That's not who I am. (I'd have to change my name.)
Money would be useful - not seeing why it can't be made with the _byte series.

ah fuck it.

Ellie no longer has a blog or twitter account.
I'm done - that was just more work for me.

Next time you get a 'free' book - think about it. It ain't free. Someone wrote it. Someone spent months writing it. It contains sweat, tears, the soul, and the heart of the author. Chances are the author didn't make any real money doing so either.
And happily gave a copy away.
That there is the insanity peeking through. Because who else in their right mind would give away 6-8 mths work?

Rant over.
For now.
Don't get to giggly to quick - we know this issue isn't resolved.













5 comments:

Veronica Foale said...

Don't kill Ellie!

I love your books. Truly. I know that I am such a small percent of sales, but I'd prefer my book money went to you anyway.

Marketing is a bitch. Exhausting and horrible and thankless. Too many people screaming and no one actually buying and reading. It's rough.

xx

Veronica Foale said...

Don't kill Ellie!

I love your books. Truly. I know that I am such a small percent of sales, but I'd prefer my book money went to you anyway.

Marketing is a bitch. Exhausting and horrible and thankless. Too many people screaming and no one actually buying and reading. It's rough.

xx

Lee Pletzers said...

Same thing is happening to me. Makes me think of throwing it all in.

Cat Connor said...

Thanks Veronica :)
It's good to know someone loves Ellie.

There are three more books - two are finished and waiting, the third I'm writing now. If I can figure this out and start making money she'll make to the end of the 8th byte book! But so far - 5 novels and one novella have done nothing.

Cat Connor said...

Hey Lee,
Sucks doesn't it? It's also kinda nice to know I'm not alone in this.

I see you...

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