Monday, January 9, 2012

I have a new notebook...

It's sitting here on my desk... looking at me. Looking with it's evil strawberry killer eyes. Looking.
I can hear it too... I know it's whispering words I don't want to hear.

Words like... "Use me." "Get a pen and write in me." "Oh for fucks sake will you write something!"

I won't even pick it up when I have a pen in my hand.

No one likes being nagged at by a notebook. No one.

So it sits on top of the box on my desk... taunting me.

Every blank unsullied page screams, "Write on me!"

But I don't.

I watch it from the corner of my eye. I move it carefully out of the way when I need to open the box and with just as much care I replace it when I'm done. What I don't do is open it.

I don't want to see those clean white pages and hear them calling - louder and louder.

One day I'll use my new notebook. My extra special notebook that has a hand painted cover made just for me (you can smell the paint when you hold the notebook). My beautiful notebook that came all the way from Paris. One day there will be another story that needs to be told.

Right now - I'm not writing.

I sort of want to write. But I can't really get into anything. Never finished the Christmas short story. For fucks sake it was a short story and I never finished it. I might post it just for the fun of it... If I do it will be on Ellie's blog. (You should check, just in case I posted it... cos really, not even God knows what I'm doing!)

This morning I opened two files - moved some quotes around and that was it. Ridiculous!
I have one finished novel waiting to be polished.
One almost finished - waiting for me to fall in love with it.
One just started that for whatever reason annoyed me so I haven't looked at it in weeks.
So it's not like I have nothing to be doing. I just can't seem to knuckle down and get on with any of it!

Since sending Flashbyte back to Rebel. I haven't done a fucn thing.

I see plenty. Ellie is still showing me movie reels.
The new character in the kiwi book is trying to get me to like her - I don't dislike her, I just don't feel a strong connection with her.
The new character in the latest Byte novel - the one I really liked and was having fun with, has tarnished somewhat. I think he might be an asshat after all. Talk about disappointing. Always sucks when people characters aren't who you thought they were.

And then there was the fun of my ISP eating/bouncing/fucking email. Come on! What sort of third world country do we live in when email is constantly being being fucked up?? I'm not convinced it's working properly now either.

Also - we had some pretty awful family news last week. Will know more tomorrow. But it's the kind of news that is life changing - so there's that lurking about creating undercurrents of uncertainty.

And all 3 pairs of my sunglasses have disappeared into another realm. I'd like Jonni and my brother to bring them back  - it's no longer funny. You incorporeal trouble makers are not as funny as you think you are.

On a positive note - Action Man and The Boy Wonder went back to work today, so today almost felt like a regular Monday!

Once school goes back and I start turning the radio on in the mornings again it'll be awesome! Three weeks and one day before Squealer starts college!!


GClarkHellery said...

New notebooks were sent to taunt us :-)

Cat Connor said...

Yes, yes they are! Usually I love new notebooks... but this is a work of art and it's being quite cruel with its taunts.

I think it needs to be for something very very special. :-)

I see you...

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