Where did the week go?

I don't know... can't quite believe it's Friday already. Am rather hoping time slows down between the 7th of April and May 3rd... so I can fully enjoy my time away!!

How exciting! Just a few more days (LESS than a week) and the gorgeous Admins and myself will be winging our way toward Virginia.

We just have to survive our farewell party tomorrow... and the rest of today.

Squealer and Breezy are having a moment. Breezy wanted to play Sims 2, but she needs help.. Squealer agreed to help her then buggered off saying, "I'll be back in a minute."
Well, she didn't come back. Breezy got stuck... well actually she accidentally deleted her person. So she went looking for Squealer. (Who by the way scored a 3 for her homework - that's the highest mark possible - for the first time ever this week!! but I digress now on with the tale of woe...)
Squealer was playing in her room, she reached for a balloon and fell, smacking chin on a box of CD's. Breezy laughed. (Oh, come on... it's well known that when people fall over it's funny.) Squealer... well she squealed...  Action Man came to the rescue and got her an ice-pack.
So now the girls are back downstairs and Breezy got mad at Squealer saying she'd come back and then not. She deemed that  lie. They exchanged heated words. Then Breezy decided to add a few slaps to the mix. Once it was over I said to Squealer, "What happens when you annoy people by not doing what you say you'll do?"
 She replied, "They try to kill you." Gotta love the dramatics!
Breezy is back playing Sims. Squealer is listing the cooking games she likes and scowling.

Did I mention I like Mondays? I like them more than Fridays... everyone is tired and cranky on Friday afternoons. But tomorrow is Saturday.... and Saturday has port and red wine. I like Port and Red wine.

Oh did you buy this yet?? Exacerbyte or perhaps you'd like the kindle version?

Of course you maybe slow in catching on and need to start at the beginning?? Let me help you don't even have to move your little mouse pointer over to the right hand side of the blog.
killerbyte and kindle
terrorbyte and kindle

I am so good to you people!

:)

Love you long time.

The joy of Monday.

I do love Monday's - they're mine. I use Monday's to recover from the chaos that ensues here in the weekends.
So this morning... (It's 10 days until I arrive in Virginia) I cleaned, wrote, enjoyed music without anyone wanting the idiot box on, and throughly enjoyed myself - because it's Monday. Everyone is either at work or at school.

Bliss!

I do still have a few things to do before I pick up Breezy this afternoon. One is to cover the box Squealer and I decoupaged yesterday. Because it's a functional box I'm covering it in clear vinyl. I need to make Admin Bubbles Jools doll some boots and figure out how to make a cap for my Ellie doll. Can't be that hard.
I would like to increase the word count on my latest _Byte novel to over 20,000 before I leave next week. That's actually pretty easy to achieve if I make myself sit down and write! (Am really enjoying writing Soundbyte)

I think Breezy wanted me to add pink streaks to her Lorenza dolls hair... which I can do, but have no pink wool at the moment, so will have to go get some tomorrow.

The lists are made - so Action Man knows what he needs to do while I'm away.

Turns out Breezy was worried about dinners. She was pretty sure she wouldn't like whatever daddy made and figured she'd get in trouble for not eating it and be hungry! (Kids are funny at times) So, we sat down with Action Man and made a list of all the things Breezy likes to eat... and added plenty of yogurt (without lumps) to the list, for those emergency type situations - you know in case Action Man makes something truly unacceptable! :)  Sorted!
Just goes to show how odd kids can be... the rule is - you MUST try it, but you don't have to eat it if you really don't like it - you can have something else. 
It's always been that way.
I do however insist that no one sits at the table and comments rudely! If a kid tries it and doesn't like it - fine, but I won't tolerate anyone saying,"Yuck! I'm not eating that!" or anything else disparaging about food in front of them.
Just like I insist that knives and forks are used correctly, elbows are not allowed on the table, keep your mouth shut while you chew, sit up straight with your legs under the table, and LIFT the fork to your mouth do not move your head toward the table.  And when you've finished your meal, you thank the cook and clear away your plate! We eat as a family. We talk about our day at the dinner table.
They're all things we've all grown up with - contrary to some peoples opinion instilling manners into a child is not mean, in fact quite the opposite- kids who have manners, grow into adults with manners...

One of the things I will miss while I'm away is eating with my family every night.

The first thing I will do when I get home will be to cook a big family dinner. :)

The list of things everyone wants me to bring back has now reached 2 pages. Might have to set aside days for shopping!!

If that was Saturday we've had it...

No really we have,  it's Sunday morning.

I did 24 hours AFK (for those of you who aren't super geeks, that's 'Away From Keyboard') from Saturday morning until now... it was oddly pleasant.

Saturday was busy. I chose to spend it with my kids and Action Man, and with my trusty Admins (Rose and Megan). We shopped. We shopped for gifts for people we are seeing while in the States. Was fun. Now all the bits and pieces I bought are in my suitcase. Just a few more things to snaffle up before we leave.

Was a really good day.

I watched some of The Hurt Locker yesterday afternoon before 'The Trusty Admins' came back for dinner. We had an array of nibbles for dinner... cheeses, bread, meats, cherry tomatoes, grapes, pate, etc... delicious!  Was my first try of Admin One's home brewed Port... Oh Dear Lord it's divine!! Seriously good port! Twas fruity and sweet and so very smooth.
Kane, Vicky, and Teesh came over - they all sampled the port too and loved it!

The Boy Wonder sorted Minecraft for Squealer (he bought her the game (for me), so she can play her own rather than his login.) So she happily played online last night with other minecrafters.
Once our guests had vacated I watched the rest of Hurt Locker with Action Man. It wasn't a bad movie - but I won't bother watching it again. (seriously, nowhere near as good as Tears of the Sun... now that is an excellent movie)

Kids are now having grapes, oranges, and apples for breakfast - kinda like a fresh fruit salad I guess!

Hope y'all had/have a good weekend.

I intend to write later this morning. :)

Tales for Canterbury: Pre-order!

Magnitude 6.3, Tuesday, February 22 2011 at 12:51 pm (NZDT), 10 km south-east of Christchurch.

The first we knew of the quake in our house was a text message from Jo Jo in Christchurch asking how big it was. The Boy Wonder and I sat watching in utter horror as pictures emerged from what looked like a war zone, Christchurch city was unrecognizable. After some quick phones calls and text messages we knew our family were safe. We also began to realize how many people were not okay and how many lives were devastated.

Twitter exploded with people trying to find family members and get messages in and out of Christchurch. Amongst the orderly chaos, I heard a voice. A friend. A fellow author. Cassie Hart.

Like so many of us she wanted to help.

Cassie found away.

We need your assistance to spread the word and help us get as many pre-orders as possible, so that we can start getting some money through to the Red Cross Earthquake Appeal. Pre-orders are also important to determine how many of the print edition we initially order. If you head over to http://randomstatic.net/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1_10&products_id=5, you will find the pre-order information.

Pre-order your copy now!  

You can find out more about this project and the contributors here:
http://talesforcanterbury.wordpress.com/

Cheers,

Cat

Some days are fun...

Okay so mostly my days are fun but today was more fun than - say - yesterday!

Today Dionne, Tim, and I went to Heretaunga College. Dionne and Tim were my support people - and amazingly enough neither of them made me laugh from where they sat at the back of the library.
I was talking to year 11 and 12 students about writing. I had a lot more fun than I thought I would. :)

And when it was time to go - I got this:

How pretty is that cyclamen?

And a card.

So Heretaunga students who came to the library to see me today... thank you, you were great!

Now go write something. :)

Today is a prep day

Yep, that's right a prep day.

Tomorrow I am going to Heretaunga College to talk to some of  the year 10,11 and 12's students about writing. It is NZ book month - and the hope is to get local kids to realize that writing is within their grasp (if they want to write that is).

So, after discovering there is a big screen in the library that I can plug my laptop into... I've been working on a Power Point presentation. These kids are old enough to see the book trailers and for me to actually discuss writing with. (I hope)
I have been warned that they may not be forth coming with questions... wonder if they'll mind if  I ask them some questions? Guess we'll find out.

So, the trailers are now part of my presentation... that was harder than I thought. We made the killerbyte one quite a while ago now and I couldn't find it! Was safe on a flash drive as it would be... but as I have at least 10, that isn't the easiest thing to find! Now it's in dropbox. Along with the terrorbyte and exacerbyte trailers.
Hopefully all will go well tomorrow!

I'm not entirely sure what to talk about - but I'll figure it all out - by tomorrow!

How is your Monday? :)

The Interrogation of Robert Male

Good afternoon Robert, I hope you’re comfortable. Before we begin, I am required by Occupational Safety and Health to run through an earthquake drill. In the event of an earthquake: drop, cover and hold. Just a wee tip: You might want to be careful what you drop on, where you take cover and exactly what you’re holding – probably keep away from the loose electric cables and the puddles. Your welfare is my paramount concern.

 What’s your favorite type of takeaway?

Robert: Chinese. I sometimes wonder though if any real restaurant delivers in those cardboard boxes with the wire handles. They certain don’t anywhere I’ve been.

Describe your current mental status.

Robert: Just to underline my answer there was a recording playing the Fraggle Rock theme in the back of my head. I’m a bit frazzled. Ideas are flying like snow in a blizzard and I swear some esoteric beast is actually eating my time.

Do you have a favorite coffee?

Robert: I don’t drink much coffee. If I weren't worried about the sugar I’d go for a Double-Double from Timmies (that’s Tim Hortons if you’re not familiar with Canada).

Where did the concept for ‘Battered Spleen Productions’ come from? (Just the thought of batter and spleens makes me hungry.)

Robert: I’ve had this thing for wobbly spleens for as long as I can remember. When I was looking for a name I wanted something that said horror, but didn’t entirely have to be horror in its connotations. Cannibalism played an obvious part, but there is a secondary side. You’ve maybe heard of venting one’s spleen. The spleen was thought to rule or be the source of anger, and in some cases evil intentions. I wanted to evoke the idea that this spleen was battered and to some degree broken. This battered and abused spleen might still explode into violent action, but it is kind of safe if you handle with care. When you least expect it, it’ll scare you.

Walk us through a typical day. (Do lucky underpants feature in your day?)

Robert: There are no lucky underpants, unfortunately. I stay up late and sleep in until about 1 p.m. for the good of my health. I always start with a good breakfast and if I haven’t missed too much of it there’s a live technology and Internet show I watch online. That’s interspersed with wasting time on Facebook games to lubricate the grey matter. That’s followed by about an hours walk. Then it’s crunch time to get the last of the code bits done and post to whatever blog I’m due to post to that day--I have five, but two of those are only once or twice a month.

Sometime after that I watch an inordinate amount of prime time television--I claim it’s to keep up on bad dialogue, but honestly I like a constant flow of ideas to amalgamate. I watch the CSI’s and Law and Order’s, Stargate’s, Criminal Minds, Supernatural, V, Smallville, and a few others including some I can only watch free online like Sanctuary, Primeval, and the original British Being Human, and of course Dr. Who.

Then I work on the next day’s writing for the blog or for the magazine or whatever else I happen to be writing. I work with Twitter on the go most of the time and it interrupts things as I pile up link after link of articles I think will be interesting. Sadly right now I have a lot of link only partially read or totally unread. Everything is moving really fast again like it does every winter--it’s slower in summer thankfully. Then it’s more Facebook games or instead of useful nightmares I’ll dream about working all night long--never with good results. I don’t go to sleep immediately after movies any more because I always dream I’m a director called in to fix the movie.

Zombies, Vampires or werewolves?

Robert: Zombies for sure. I have to admit I’m kicking around an idea for a serious, scary and horrific vampire novel. All I can say for now is that they will be full-on supernatural. The kind that scoff at machinegun fire.

Who would you turn gay for?

Robert: The late great Freddie Mercury would have been the only one. My male admirers will just have to do without me now.

Who are your favorite writers?

Robert: Top of the list is Graham Masterton. I had this chain going. I’d pick up a Stephen King novel off the bat. If a new John Sandford novel came out I’d put the King book down. If by some fluke a new Graham Masterton novel came out I’d put the Sandford book down. I also like a bunch others, but I’ll only mention one more; Clive Barker. Barker knows how to make a big meaty mythology, and I find that just amazing--something I hope to be great at too.

Who inspires you to do better?

Robert: I can only imagine he could write a great novel because he only writes role-playing games, so I didn’t stick him under the favourite writers. His name is Kevin Siembieda and he owns Palladium Books(R). It is always my contention Kevin could make even cereal boxes exciting. He’s had a lot of trouble outside of work, some of it on the business side of work, and through it all he never gives up. Never. Beyond that, he keeps the fan base updated on things going on in the company and personally, and he’s always motivating and inspiring about it. He pulls us all in (metaphorically) like his close friends and he tell us our own tough times are no different and we can make it through.

Do you ever put pants on your dog?

Robert: No. I wouldn’t even if I had a dog.

Describe your ultimate day?

Robert: Well, that requires a few things. It would start with a freak-nasty nightmare to wake up from and someone to have startled with that ramping up from a paralysed-throat-moan screaming. We definitely need that Chinese takeout with the fancy cardboard boxes. I would definitely need a great idea to write on for a while. I’d need a good week’s pre-planning and some players for a few hours of running a Rifts role-playing game session. Finally I’d want to cap it off with a good horror movie I haven’t seen yet.

Who is your favorite fictitious villain? Or are you all about the hero? Who do you love to hate?

Robert: This is such a tough one. I do tend toward the villain. If it’s one that someone has else has written it has to be the original Freddy Krueger. My first novel, languishing unpublished I’m afraid, has a villain who goes back a few incarnations or drafts. Around the middle he was the most vicious, sadistic, S.O.B. you’d ever fear to meet. That was my favourite villain, which is funny given the final novel version is the more skilled, and more saleable villain. The nasty one was just so abhorrent--I loved it.

I don’t know that I love to hate any of the villains or heroes. I really don’t like mamby-pamby evil. I can’t stand punks, the kinds that get five or six buddies to help them rough up some guy who’s maybe 90 lbs. soaking wet.

Do you have any quirks? (Yes, I do like to live dangerously!)

Robert: When I go out I wear a hip-sack over my shoulder bandolier-style to carry things. I gave up and just call it a murse now. Don’t mock the murse I say, which for those who don’t know is short for man-purse. Where else will I put the camera, extra batteries, pen, pen-knife, mirror, and wodge of cards and identification and other stuff?

All time favorite movie and why?

Robert: My favourite movie is Poltergeist. Besides being probably the most beautiful looking horror movie ever I love the fact that they are living with neighbours all around them and the Freelings are still as isolated as a cabin in the middle of the woods.

What’s your preferred medium when it comes to writing – pen and paper, computer, typewriter?

Robert: I prefer to write on the computer. It has spell check for starters. I also tend to re-write as I go. I’ve handed people what I thought was the first draft and they thought it was a third or fourth draft.

How did you enjoy the editing process?

Robert: I don’t mind the editing process, but it really puts me to sleep. I can only edit a handful of pages and then I start nodding off. I end up editing a few pages, then doing something else, and returning to editing as much as an hour later. I like to read aloud on one run through a manuscript to catch things I otherwise wouldn’t. Commas are the enemy. I like to keep it light with them if I can, and eventually I have to break down and add some in. I’ve been re-editing older work and I comma different now than I did then. I also consider it that I’ve gotten old because I can’t edit with music playing. I don’t read fiction or game books with music either any more.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Robert: I would like to move somewhere in a time zone where when I go to sleep now would be when other people are going to sleep there. Somewhere a little more temperate would be nice too, less cold in winter and less hot in summer. I’m guessing another planet or dimension is required.

What is one thing you know about New Zealand? (This is not the place to spout on about LOTR… let me just remind you I control the voltage.)

Robert: What’s LOTR? I know. I know. This is going to kill my geek cred, but I have not seen the movies, or read the books yet. You asked for one thing, but I have to give you two, and they’re not related. First is that New Zealand is in the future. Seriously, you people have every day long before I do. The second is that it’s home to all of the Power Rangers.

What’s your favorite genre to write and do you have a guilty secret when it comes to genre… secret romance writer perhaps?

If it’s not clear to all the wonderful readers now, I’m big on the horror genre. I do write some science fiction. That aforementioned first novel is actually a cyberpunk horror. I have plans for some super-hero novels starting with a trilogy too.

I’ve always kind of thought the crime novels were a guilty secret, but I only read them from John Sandford. From a financial standpoint I have considered a romance novel, but really like drama I find I don’t like one-note genres. By that I mean I write romance into the horror, or sci-fi, or drama, or comedy any way. One can never say never, but I don’t think I’ll ever write a romance novel with the monsters in the romance. Maybe monster killer romance, but no “oh Vamp-man bite me” as the main focus.

What were you before you became a writer?

Robert: There was a before? Well, I went to school for electronics and had a job or three at the same technology company before I knuckled down to writing after getting downsized. I had originally planned to write while working, but during post secondary school I lost sight of it.

What can we expect from you next?

Robert: Immediately next is the next issue of Killing Time - Horror E-Rag(TM). I hope to put out two novellas that were serialised in that self-same publication soon, though I don't know when. Beyond that, only time will tell which of the dozen or more projects sees the light. I just have to throw this out there: I'm working on a couple role-playing games of my own design.

Do you carry a notebook or keep one by the bed for those sudden brilliant ideas?

Robert: I have a small number of sticky notes and a pen with me when I go out--in the murse. I find I’m more likely to write a bunch of notes before I go to sleep. I have never really written one upon waking in the middle of the sleep cycle. If I know what I was dreaming about I remember enough of it later when get up.

What is the most random thing you have ever written with and on?

Robert: I’m boring. Nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t think I’ve ever even written notes on a napkin. Comes from being prepared I guess.

If you’re not writing, what are you most likely to be doing?

Robert: Here’s the thing. When I watch television I’m looking for fodder. When I had time to run a role-playing game I was writing--I tended toward play by email or bulletin board system (BBS) more often than tabletop. Twitter is another fodder source mostly. That leaves either wasting time on Facebook games for the most time that is not writing related, or the other thing I got into... 3D art and animation. Rather than doing what I was supposed to be doing late last week I was in the render program working on an image. Even there I’m thinking story or character. Character rates higher most of the time. It’s the gamer in me.

Whiskey or Bourbon or blood?

Robert: Come on. Whiskey. The other Canucks are nodding. I have to be the villain though. I couldn’t tell you if I’ve had Canadian Club. Maybe, maybe not. If I name it when ordering, it’s Crown Royal. Take my touque, if you must. Yes, I spell it touque like a proper Canuck, damn you dictionary websites!

How do you feel about jousting?

Robert: I never saw the point. You know that’s what they need, points. That and motorcycles. Don’t laugh, go and rent or buy George A. Romero’s Knightriders.

If you don't mind I'd like to ask myself a question and answer it. I'm perverse like that...

What is your super-hero name?

Robert: I alternate between Non Sequitur Man and Captain Obvious.

My most pertinent link for everyone is http://www.batteredspleenproductions.com where people can check out the "Store" to buy books, and the "Blogs" for handy links to my blogs and sites.

Thank you for asking me to do this.

Thank you for playing!! 

Life imitating art?

A few years ago The Boy Wonder was studying On the Beach by Nevil Shute in English class - they were watching the film and using that as the basis for class work - rather reading the book.

While he did that - I read the book, because it'd been a lot of years since I'd read it the first time.
It's not a nice story at all. And with the advent of nuclear power (not just the ability to blow each other to pieces with nuclear warheads) it's not outside the realms of possibility.

Right now - Japan is in crisis. Nuclear reactors are exploding and burning. That's a shit load closer than the nuclear fall-out in the northern hemisphere in On the Beach.

Yesterday we were talking - I made a smartassed comment (I know, so unlike me) about On The Beach in relation to the current nuclear situation in Japan.
In the book and the film, people took cyanide tablets to end their lives - which is a horrible way to die. But I suppose radiation poisoning is worse.
 - on the plus side... drugs are better now, we can die faster and with less pain.

 It doesn't thrill me to see newspaper headlines that read "Apocalypse".

This was in today's Dominion Post: New Zealand safe from Japanese radiation 

Part of me thinks Nevil Shute was onto something - not so much with the war (although I believe we've come pretty damn close at times to an apocalyptic nuclear war) ... but the ever present nuclear radiation threat.


Earthquakes don't worry me as much as the things we create.

On a positive more cheery note: Look what arrived today - aren't they pretty???

23 days!!!

I may appear a little nuts at the moment, *shrugs* deal with it.

Am 10,057 words into a BRAND NEW Byte novel.

At this stage of the game - things get a little nuts.

I was going to rename the 5th Byte as Soundbyte but it turns out I'm writing Soundbyte now. The 5th Byte will be something else... I don't know what. At this point I really don't care too much. Most of that novel will be scrapped anyway and the new title will probably emerge as I re-write it. LATER. It ain't #5 any more.

Having a ton of fun writing new Byte novel.

Well I was - until I had a song stuck in my head for DAYS. Normally, not a problem... just listen to it and it goes away. Not this time. This time the song stuck in Ellie's head was also stuck in mine and because I didn't know why it became a tad torturous.
As much as I love Kevin Costner and Modern West - having Maria Nay stuck in my head for days wasn't as much fun as I first thought it might be!

THEN I ended up with two songs, two very different songs wedged in my mind and warping/morphing into one. I had Lorenza Ponce's 'What happened to you' and Kevin Costner and Modern West's 'Hey man what about you' competing then it got weird. Some kinda weird re-mix. Not as cool as you'd think. :)

I'm blaming the story.

Rightly or wrongly.

Gotta say this new story is pretty damn cool. I'm a big fan of things that sparkle, music, and murder (I know that sounds wrong, tossing murder in there, - and of course I mean within my text and not in life).
I'm quite hooked and can't wait to find out who did it and why. Gotta say it's pretty cool seeing a different side of Kurt Henderson too. He's a little more human...

Oh yeah... it's 23 days until me, Rose, and Migs arrive in Virginia. :)
I think everything is organised...

I'm quite looking forward to San Francisco despite only having time to see the airport.

The Interrogation of Jenny Gardiner

Today we have Jenny Gardiner author of Sleeping with Ward Cleaver and Winging it (to name but a few of her works!) with us. ("Jenny Gardiner American author" - not "Jenny Gardiner Australian Politician", just in case any of you Aussies got confused...)

Good morning Jenny,  I hope you’re comfortable. (Or as comfortable as can be expected sitting in that rickety old chair, please excuse the water lying on the floor and the burnt hair smell… it’s nothing.)

--LOL

What’s your favorite type of takeaway? (take-out in American speak)

--Probably Chinese, mainly because where I live we don’t have a lot of great choices for carry out. It’s pretty much that or pizza…Now if I lived in a big city it would be something like Afghani food or maybe some good Italian, maybe Spanish tapas…

Describe your current mental status.  

--Frazzled. Seriously frazzled!

Do you have a favorite coffee?

--While I LOVE coffee, I can’t have caffeine—I hit my limit when I was about 23, so I can only do decaf. I adore cappuccinos, however! (oh and HATE the smell of hazelnut coffee—it actually makes me gag)

You’re quite the prolific author, Jenny. Will you give us a quick over view of your books.

***Sure! My first novel, Sleeping with Ward Cleaver, is sort of a coming-of-middle-age novel, what happens after the Happily Ever After, about a woman who married Mr. Right only to wake up as she’s approaching mid-life to realize she actually married Mr. Always Right…The house that published SWWC was teetering on bankruptcy so stopped printing books and only do e-books now. I have the rights back to it and plan to put it up on Amazon very soon, hopefully in the next few weeks.

My second book is called Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who’s Determined to Kill Me, sort of Marley and Me meets David Sedaris, with a deadly beak.

I then published two novels through my literary agency’s digital imprint, Diversion books. The first, Slim to None, is available both digitally and in print form on Amazon. It’s the story of the premier food critic in Manhattan, who is outted on Page Six of the New York Post, and so everyone knows what she looks like and that she is so large she won’t be able to go incognito to review restaurants. Her boss gives her six months to lose weight or she’s out of a job. I loved the idea of taking a person who has to eat for a living and make it so that she cannot eat in order to continue to be able to eat for a living ;-). The other novel I e-pubbed is called Over the Falls, about a woman trapped in an abusive marriage who goes out to pick up her husband’s dry cleaning and instead picks up a handsome hitchhiker, with whom she embarks on a road trip of self-discovery.

I have a short story in an upcoming anthology that is slated to be released in September called I’m Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship, a book spearheaded by Wade Rouse who is a lovely, hilarious memoirist. In this anthology he has assembled stories from a star-studded collection of writers, including 11 New York Times bestselling authors, two Emmy award-winners and a Tony award-winner. It’s a collection of funny and poignant dog stories, proceeds slated to go to the Humane Society of the US. My story is about my pseudo-dingo dog, titled My Dog the Dominatrix ;-) . I’ve got a few other books I’ll be uploading to e-book versions within the next couple of months so keep looking for them!

Walk us through a typical day. (Do you make sure you’re wearing your lucky underpants before you sit down to write, or perhaps you prefer commando?)

***I still have one kid left at home, two in college, so it all depends what is up with whom, who do I have to pick up at college and bring home or vice versa, etc. As soon as my daughter gets off to school I get to the gym, the run errands, come home and try to write for a few hours before I have to go in to work (I’m working part time at a cupcake shop—how fun is that?!). Writing time has sadly been squeezed out so much by time spent with social networking, but I’m  making a concerted effort to back off of that because it’s become such a time-suck and I really want to write!

Do you ever see yourself writing a vampire story? (Perhaps a vampire parrot?  Pretty sure parrots don’t sparkle – so maybe a diamond stealing vampire parrot?)

---Okay, I SWORE I’d NEVER write a vampire novel. Then, alas, toward the end of the vampire craze, I came up with a funny idea for one so despite my hesitation, I started writing it. I think it’s a really funny story, I wrote about 100 pages, had an editor very interested in it, it went to ed board and unfortunately they decided that humor in vampire stories either works or doesn’t work, and in this publishing climate they weren’t going to take a chance. Grrr. I might finish it and put it up myself on Amazon because I think it’s a terrific novel. Even though I’m not a fan of vampire novels ;-)

Who would you turn gay for?

--Ha! Well, having been glued to American Idol lately, I guess if there was someone it might be J Lo –she’s pretty smokin’ hot even at her ripe age

Who are your favorite writers?

--Right now I’m totally literary crushing on Allison Pearson. Granted she’s not a literary writer, I just coined that out of nowhere. But I love her writing, love her voice, she’s a terrific writer. Her latest, I Think I Love You is fabulous. Going back in time, I was inspired as a youth by the voices of JD Salinger and by James Joyce, Oscar Wilde even. I love sassy, clever writing—Jonathan Tropper comes to mind for instance. But I also devour really well-written literary works, Abraham Verghese’s Cutting for Stone comes to mind. I don’t tend to read books just because the publicity machine tells me they’re all the rage—too often I’ve found that I don’t tend to care for those books that have been overflacked. I go by recommendations from friends and fellow authors a lot.

Who inspires you to do better?

---Professionally? Anyone who writes a kick-ass book.  As I read Allison Pearson’s novel, I’m inspired to kick it up a  notch this week. Who inspires me as a person in general? People who are kind, thoughtful, generous, those who do good works for others without seeking attention or praise for it. My daughter attends a Quaker school and I’m really inspired by the wonderful works that these schools do and by their goals to help raise global-thinking, sensitive, caring human beings.

Do you ever put pants on your dog? (And if by chance you have dressed your Dingo – can we see the pictures?)

---NEVER! When I was growing up, we did that all the time though. My brothers had these hideous white acrylic cable-knit tennis sweaters—the V-neck with the crimson and blue stripes along the V. They would put them on the dogs along with neck ties and then have them sit up on their haunches and beg for food, then they’d feed them peanut butter bread that would stick to the roofs of their mouths and they’d have to lick and lick and lick to get it all. I always felt badly about that, so I never dress up our pooches. They’re far too dignified ;-)  (p.s. putting pants on my dingo girl would be like trying to put a muzzle on her—it would not go over well…)

Describe your ultimate day?  

--It would definitely be on a catamaran in the British Virgin Islands. Hanging near the Soggy Dollar Bar. Man, I’d love that right now…Oh wait, in the middle of all of that intensive relaxing, I’d get a call from my agent that the editor of my dreams is buying my novel for high six figures (trying not to be greedy here). We can fantasize, right?

Who is your favorite fictitious villain? Or are you all about the hero? Who do you love to hate?

--Darn, recently I thought of a fabulous fictitious villain I loved, but now I’m drawing a blank. Usually I’m more about the hero. I tend to go for happily ever after in my reading—I hate reading depressing tomes with everything falling to pieces, totally never going to read dystopian fiction..

Tell us your publishing story.

--I had the great fortune of being selected for a national fiction contest called American Title contest, in which 10 finalists vied online each month over a 6-month period to garner the most online votes. I was able to win the contest (this was with Sleeping with Ward Cleaver) and the prize was a book deal. The added bonus was that the contest prepared me greatly for the future of marketing/publicity, a duty that has pretty much been dumped unceremoniously in the laps of all authors now. I was ahead of the curve on it because it’s precisely what I had to do in order to garner enough votesàthis was before the days of all the social network sites, so it involved lots and lots and lots of emailing. The downside to that is that I ended up being regarded as a spammer in the eyes of the internet, and to this day my emails get stuck in spam folders, especially with AOL and Yahoo. Makes me CRAZY!

Do you have any quirks?

---Give me time and I’ll make you laugh at the multitude of them. I’m really picky with food, putting things on the side, having half the things in the entrée excluded from the one I order, that sort of thing. Oh, here’s another thing I do all the time. I adore accents and I’ll listen to the BBC and imitate the many world accents of those on the programming. My kids think I’m insane, but I invariably get them laughing when I do it, so it’s all good.

All time favorite movie and why?

--this is another one I thought of recently and now can’t remember what it is. But I always love When Harry Met Sally—sort of the quintessential chick flick and I do love a good chick flick (and sadly most of them suck these days).

What’s your preferred medium when it comes to writing – pen and paper, computer, typewriter, dictation?

--computer. I can’t even read my own handwriting these days.

How did you enjoy the editing process?

--It’s great to collaborate with a really talented editor. Though I always prefer to have my work not needing much in the way of editing, because it takes a lot of brain power to reassemble a book once you *think* you’ve put it together properly. Like you assembled the 2000-piece puzzle and then someone has come in and jumbled 2/3s of the pieces and you have to fit them back again. It’s also nice to have someone who can sort through the quagmire when it gets murky and help you to regain your vision.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

---Italy. I ADORE Italy, the food, the language, the wine, the scenery, the lifestyle is really appealing to me (provided the internet connection is realllllly good).

What is one thing you know about New Zealand?  (The voltage will be cranked up at first mention of anything LOTR or Hobbit related – just sayin’))

--Rotorua is supposed to be gorgeous! My old neighbor grew up on a sheep farm there. I’ve just head many times that New Zealand gorgeous. I’m so sad about the latest earthquake in Christchurch—terrible suffering and destruction.

How many novels have you written, both published and unpublished?

---Oh man, I dunno, maybe 8-1/2? Well, there are a slew I’ve started, maybe done 2 -3 chapters, I haven’t counted them.

What were you before you became a writer?

---A mom. Well, I’ve always been a writer but was being purely a mom when I started writing again. And before kids I was a photographer, before that publicist for a US Senator. Before that aspiring for career as TV reporter till I realized I’d have to live in small towns until I broke out, and back then that was so not appealing to me.

What can we expect from you next?   

--That’s the million dollar question. The publishing industry is such a mess right now, it’s hard to come up with the book idea that will win over not only an interested editor but also an entire editorial board as well. The decision-by-committee-with-no-one-wanting-to-risk-potential-of-failure has done a great disservice to so many writers out there, and leaves the reading public with a real dearth of variety in the book world now. I’ve got a couple of things I’m working on, so wish me luck.

Do you carry a notebook or keep one by the bed for those sudden brilliant ideas?

--All of the above! I make myself write down those middle-of-the-night inspirations because too many times I’ve said “Oh, I’ll remember it in the morning,” and I never do

What is the most random thing you have ever written with and on?

--It’s not particularly random but I was at a bat mitzvah a few years back and it was a high holy day so it was a doubly long service, all in Hebrew. I get super fidgety even at like the best of Broadway shows, so you can imagine how fidgety I was getting with a ceremony in which everyone’s backs are mostly to the audience and a droning succession of prayers are being chanted in a very foreign language. So I pulled out a small notebook and a pen and started to write a book idea, which ultimately were the first four chapters of Winging It. Luckily at the time I didn’t realized you weren’t supposed to do anything like writing while in the temple—I grew up Catholic and we didn’t have that rule as far as I knew, so it just didn’t even cross my mind LOL.

If you’re not writing, what are you most likely to be doing?

---Doing stuff with the family, working out at the gym, road-tripping (usually with the family), caring for our many pets. Ideally I’d be traveling all over the world, but that requires money, so that’s only in my dreams…

Red or white wine?

---Ha! This is the first question I answered: Red, most definitely!

Thank you for stopping by Jenny! 

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Good grief people... It's Wednesday already!

How the hell did that happen?

For those who care (Admin One and Admin Mangle Bubbles - that would be you two!) it is precisely 29 days until wheels up!! So many things want to jump from my finger tips about that.
Let's just say there is a good chance in 30 days one of us will be in trouble for something. Probably me, and probably because I have this smartassed streak that I keep well hidden? :)

So anyway. 29 days... Are you ready America?

What's new here? (Kind of you to ask.)

Friend Julia just came up with the title for the 5th _Byte book. And quite frankly, it's brilliant. Soundbyte. I love it!
And more apt than Julia could know at this point.

Sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees... thanks Julia!! :)

If you'd like a signed bookplate for your paperback copy of EXACERBYTE.   Y'all have 2 weeks - which means cut off is April 23rd - after that you'll have to wait until May and my return to New Zealand!

The picture is a sticker. (Just like the killerbyte and terrorbyte ones)  This is what the book plates look like.   >>>>

Pretty huh?

Email me, tweet me, leave a comment, or Facebook me with your details and I'll post it right out.

Currently I am working on a massive re-write of what's now titled Soundbyte, the 5th Ellie Conway _Byte novel. Mostly because I wrote it over a year ago, and since then have written the 4th, Flashbyte... and also, Exacerbyte evolved during editing - so the 5th book needs an overhaul to take into account all changes. Plus - some new stuff has come to light. :) You know me, I don't like to talk work until it's done, but it's going to be pretty cool!

I need to make a comprehensive list of EVERYTHING Action Man has to pack for the girls - they're going away for the April school holidays. I won't be here to pack for them. So I can't do my usual sketchy list, knowing I'll get everything sorted on the day. Leaving Action Man in charge of packing... kinda makes me nervous. Maybe I'll make add check boxes on the lists and he can check them off as he packs??
I have booked their travel. So that's taken care of. (Let me tell ya it wasn't cheap!)

Now if the earth could just hold itself together for the next two months - that would be awesome! No earthquakes.

Now I'm going back to listen to Kevin Costner and Modern West - and get some writing done before we head off to Squealers first OT group session this afternoon.

The interrogation of Michele A'Court

Today we have the very lovely Michele A’Court with us. I have to confess to being just a smidge fan girl over having Michele here. I saw her once in a restaurant in Christchurch – eating just like a regular person! I could barely light my cigarette I was so excited. (Yes it was a while ago – we could smoke in restaurants back then.)  

Anyway, as per our agreement, Michele, I will adhere to most of The Geneva Convention.

I’ll adjust the lights in a minute – don’t worry about that dripping, it’s nothing. Shush it’s nothing.

 Cat: What’s your favorite type of takeaway?

Michele: Sober: salmon & avocado sushi from Tanuki’s right next to the Classic comedy club in Auckland. They give comedians a discount and deliver. I like the way it makes the Green Room smell a little of fish – it counteracts the general odour of sweat and fear in there. Less-than-sober: KFC two-piece quarter pack, no drink (that’s what wine is for) and upsize the chips. I like to dip the chips into the potato’n’gravy. Potato tastes really good with potato. If I’m properly hungry, I eat the chicken as well as the skin.

 Cat: Describe your current mental status.

Michele: Anticipatory. After this I am going to take a book out into the sun to read. I am going to pretend I am in Rarotonga and make a cocktail. That is, of course, assuming you let me live.

 Cat: How exhausting is it being you?

Michele: Thoroughly. Sometimes I fantasise about someone stealing my identity so they can have a jolly good crack at getting to the bottom of my “To Do” list and pay my bills. I would wish them luck. They’d probably do a better job of it than me.

Cat: Do you have a favorite coffee?

Michele: That really heavy, black stuff from East Timor that you can buy from Trade Aid. I drank it first actually in East Timor – I was entertaining the troops – and they make it strong with a lot of sugar. I tastes kind of military and makes you ‘stand-to’ as they say in the army. I like Fair Trade coffee - it doesn’t taste of workers’ disappointment.

Cat: Us Kiwi’s know you from your stand-up comedy, weekly newspaper column, comedy gigs, television, radio, solo shows and probably a lot of other things too – what would you like your legacy to be?

Michele: That you can keep on doing the stuff you want to do in the way you want to do it. At various points in what I like to refer to as “my career”, people have tried to encourage me to be a bit more like someone else (“Be more like that tall, blonde girl”) which always seems an odd thing. The best thing that has happened in the last ten years is I’ve decided that if people book me for a gig or an event or to write a piece, I figure it’s actually me they wanted to book – otherwise they would have picked another name off the list. It’s a relief not to second-guess an audience – “I’m here, you’re here, this is who I am, the door isn’t locked...”

 Cat: I am almost afraid to ask – where does the material for your stand-up comedy come from?

Michele: Out of my tiny little head. I’ve learnt that whenever I feel some kind of emotion – anger, bewilderment, apoplexy – that’s actually a joke letting me know it wants to come in. So you sit with that emotion for a bit, dig down into it, and flip it into some kind of hilarity.

 Cat: Walk us through a typical day. (Do you make sure you’re wearing your lucky underpants while working, or perhaps you prefer commando?)

Michele: Every day is different – which is what stops me going mad – but a good day might go something like this: up at 8am to feed the cat and the kid (they have different plates), then down to my office to check emails and run an optimistic eye over that endless “To Do” list. There’s stupid admin stuff – invoicing, briefings, contracts – and nice stuff like arranging words in new and interesting ways for publication somewhere. When I get stuck or bored, I do the washing and eat. Sometimes there are voice jobs to go do (I like those – no lipstick) or radio bits (ditto on the lipstick). Then early dinner and a shower after the 6pm news headlines and out to do a gig. I don’t have lucky underpants for writing – that’s generally done in pyjamas – but I do have a couple of pairs of lucky red g-strings to wear for gigs. Occasionally as I’m standing anxiously side-of-stage before performing, I like to remember I am wearing a red g-string. It cheers me up.

Cat: What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

Michele: It’s all scary, but I was fairly beside myself when I was asked to do a comedy set at my daughter’s School Leavers’ Dinner last year. It was the Head Girl’s and Boy’s idea. The kids were into it but some of the teachers and parents looked nervous. I don’t mind risking failure, but I didn’t want my daughter to be embarrassed. In the end, we all had a great time, though one of the parents stopped me in the street a couple of days later and berated me for using the word “orgasm” in one of my gags. I told her to relax – that her kid probably knew more about orgasms that she currently did from the look of her. Ok, that’s what I wished I had said. I’m big on l’esprit d’escalier.

Cat: Vampires, where do you stand? (I can’t tolerate them – the whole 700 year old ‘boy’ dating a 17 year old girl thing smacks of pedophilia but that might just be me?)

Michele: Yeah, probably just you. You might want to think that through. I can’t deal with the whole “Twilight” hooha, but I quite like some vampire movies – I find them quite sexy. The Blade movies, for example.  It probably helps that Wesley Snipes is a grown-up.

Cat: I have to ask this, how many New Zealand Comedy Guild Awards does a person need?

Michele: Good question. About seven. I’ve got seven. The last one was “Female Comedian of the Decade” in December. That’ll do.

Cat: Who are your favorite writers?

Michele: I’m a sucker for crime novel – the usual suspects like Ian Rankin, Henning Mankell and a glorious French woman called Fred Vargas. I just read Ben Sanders’ debut novel, Fallen, and really liked it. He’s 20 and lives round the corner from me. Not sure if I want to hug him or kill him for being so young and clever. Annie Proulx, Carol Shields and Anna Quindlen appear to take up a lot of space in my bookcases. I started loving autobiographies recently – George Carlin, Michael Parkinson, Stephen Fry... Alan Bennett may be my all-time favourite playwright and author. And journalists-turned-novelists are always a good bet – they manage to be evocative without over-writing.

Cat: Who inspires you to do better?

Michele: My partner, Jeremy Elwood, who has pretty bloody high standards for comedy specifically and life in general. It kills me that he can get away with doing less prep for work than I do (I’m a girly swat) and can think and write so fast. No-one is allowed to get away with lazy shit round here. Except when it comes to housework – he doesn’t care about the dusting.

Cat: Do you ever/or have you ever - put pants on your dog, cat, budgie or weta?

Michele: Not now. Had a cat when I was very young who I would dress in doll’s clothes and push in a pram. It wasn’t very successful. I have a particularly dignified ginger tom called Jimmy who is about to celebrate his 20^th birthday. I wouldn’t dare try to put pants on him. He would be appalled. And I couldn’t bear his look of disdain.

Cat: Describe your ultimate day.

Michele: Here’s a real one: Waking up in Rarotonga, eating pawpaw and grated coconut for breakfast, snorkelling, reading, swimming, reading, cocktails, reading, dinner of ika mata, wine after dark, big sleep. Here’s a fantasy one: Waking up in New York, bagels, coffee, new shoes, cake, either watching a Broadway show or doing my own set at a comedy club, wine and a big sleep.

Cat: Who is your favorite fictitious villain? Who do you love to hate? Or are you all about the hero?

Michele: I like a villain I can love because they blur the lines – I am intrigued at how much affection I have for Dexter, the serial killer in the eponymous TV show. I just watched Idris Elba (Stringer from the Wire) in his new show, Luther, and the villainous woman in that is played by Ruth Wilson. She is a deliciously evil character. I adore watching Alan Rickman be horrible in anything.

 Cat: Do you have any quirks? 

Michele: When I am getting dressed for a gig, I have to put my clothes and jewellery on in a particular order. And no, I’m not going to explain the order. That might break the magic spell.

Cat: All-time favorite movie and why?

Michele: Three: Breakfast At Tiffany’s (sweetest whore ever!); Casablanca (time-machine, please); and To Kill a Mockingbird (proof that movies have always been able to say something).

Cat: What’s your preferred medium when it comes to writing – pen and paper, computer, typewriter?

Michele: Computer. My hand doesn’t move fast enough to make long-hand a happy thing. And I love the ability to cut’n’paste. Though I have to say, the best thing I learnt at school was touch-typing on an Imperial 66. That is a proper life skill.

Cat: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Michele: Rarotonga. They have time there. Lots of it. And sun. And fish. And you get to have a thought process. If you want to have one.

 Cat: Name that one gift that you truly dislike and yet are obliged to keep?

Michele: I didn’t keep it. They’ll never know.

Cat: What’s the worst book you have ever read?

Michele: Some ghastly debut novel set in pre-Pakeha NZ. Hideous. Over-written and stupid with images about cannibalism that I didn’t ever want in my head.

Cat: How did you get into comedy?

Michele: After What Now I was working in radio in Queenstown. Some boys came through town on a national tour. I thought, “I could do that”. I moved to Auckland and did.

Cat: How scary is it doing stand-up?

Michele: Off-stage – terrifying. It’s the waiting that kills you. On-stage – a joy. It’s my happy place. The pre-show nerves get worse – you understand very clearly that you are always a heartbeat away from failure. But once I’m out there, something in me seems to know what I am doing.

Cat: Wine, beer, spirits?

Michele: Red wine – it makes me feel like I might be Ilsa Lund. Beer makes me feel like the Hindenburg. A vodka-tonic is ok for lunch. Tequila can take the edge off post-show mania. But mostly red wine.

Cat: What can we expect from you next?

Michele: I’m doing a play. This is very scary. But I spend all my days currently being me, and I’d quite like to be someone else for a while. It’s called, “Mike & Virginia”, written by Kathryn Burnett and Nick Ward, and Te Radar is directing it for the NZ Comedy Festival in May.

Cat: Do you carry a notebook or keep one by the bed for those sudden brilliant ideas?

Michele: Yup, a fancy moleskin for ideas and set lists.

Cat: What is the most random thing you have ever written with and on?

Michele: Lip-liner on the inside of a packet of zig-zag cigarette papers.

Cat: If you’re not working, what are you most likely to be doing?

Michele: Reading, sleeping, drinking, watching movies or talking. Sometimes all five at once. Sometimes I do yoga to shut my head up.

A huge thank you to Michele for coming to play! If you'd just hold still I'll untie you... no really... stop wriggling, you're making the knots tighter!

Michele's website

Michele on twitter