But fucked if I know what it is.
Christmas is over.
It's Boxing Day. Currently very early in the morning and I'm watching Bon Jovi's "When We Were Beautiful".
Why? Because I'm looking for something.
Direction. The way forward. A fucking answer.
Because on Christmas Eve all the work over the last fucking forever was pretty much shit-canned... I knew the changes were coming. I didn't know how fast it would all happen.
Now I'm left unsure of the next step and wondering how this affects my upcoming release or even the finishing of the edits.
Kinda put a damper on Christmas. Just a bit.
Doesn't matter how much you try not to think about it. Or that I know I have options. Or that I immediately went to a friend who has wanted me to say "Let's do this thing." to her for the last two years... because right now it's all gone or in the process of going and that's sad. It's the end of a great experience. I learned a lot. So very much. There are people I've LOVED working with and I'm going to miss them in that capacity. I know we won't loose touch - but the relationships will change. Still, it's sad.
Yep, they're there.
But also is the whole starting all over again thing.
Fuck that. Seriously, it's tough starting all over again in anything but with an already 'established' series it smacks of pushing shit up hill. Sure I know more about the industry.
I also know that way too much of this industry is about timing and luck. And that the wheels move so fucking slowly it drives a person like me insane. I've always worked fast, I am highly productive - because telling these stories is what makes me happy, therefore they're not hard for me to write, it's fun. (Sometimes I have to look really bloody hard to find the fun... not everything I write brings me joy but I am proud of every word.)
Which brings up the question... do walk away from this series?
I can't. It's too important to me.
And right now - it's the strongest body of work that I have.
There is an almost finished NZ book - but I'm struggling to finish it, struggling to fall in love with the characters and really don't want it to be the flag ship for a fresh start. For one thing... it's a KIWI novel. No matter how many people tell me that's hot in America right now... Americans will not be able to understand it. Seriously. It's not an American novel set in NZ, it's a kiwi novel... with ghost chups, Clinkers and pineapple lumps, jandals,Tuhoe, beached bro, don't bring your mates, nothing much, bloody legend, Watties tomato sauce and paddling pools for Christmas.
It may as well be written in a foreign language. And you know what? I'm not Americanizing it. Nope. It's a kiwi novel. It's about my town and yeah it's a mystery but it's set in my town and my town is a small city in the lower North Island of New Zealand. It's not an exciting place (for the most part). Our cops are not armed (for the most part). I have a Greyhound and he's in the book as his very charming self. It's a book about home and so much so that an Australian would probably struggle with the terms we use - let alone Americans.
As it stands right now - I don't feel much like writing anyway. I am supposed to be finishing the edits for Flashbyte but am not in the mood (in the light of recent events). I started a new Byte novel a few weeks ago - again, not in the mood.
I don't know what's going to happen over the next week or so. When I find out, I'll let you know.
(Little heads up though - if you've put off buying my books because of whatever, I advise you to go get them now, don't wait.)
I do know nothing will be as it was two weeks ago.
My part in all this... up in the air.
My career as a writer... who the fuck knows?
My work... again who the fuck knows!
Merry fucking Christmas and a happy New Year to you all.