Thursday, May 12, 2011

I won't lose faith... well, maybe just a little?

I'm not entirely sure if the self-doubt writers live with is normal for other arts. I guess asking won't hurt...
meanwhile, I'm a writer. (I know, how cool!)

This didn't happen by accident or by wishful thinking or by waiting for life to land in my lap. It happened because I made it so. That's right, me. No one did it for me. All those rejections were addressed to me. (Likewise the acceptances.) What's more it never ends. Finishing a new book and sending it off to my publisher - it's not a guaranteed thing, it could be utter crap - therefore rejection is still on the table. I still have huge moments of panic once I hit send, and when I see emails bearing that piece or works title. That is how it is. I accept that. I embrace that. I trust my editor and my publisher to be honest and to kick my ass when required.

Now becoming a published writer, is no different to any other career - you can sit there and whine about it, or you can MAKE it happen. That is the bottom line. No one can find you the perfect job, if you don't get off your ass and put yourself out there.
(With writing, it's a tad tougher - the market you compete in is global after all, and it is a brutal industry - in fact if you're considering writing, you need your head examined!)

At the moment I'm reading Save the Cat! Strikes Back - why am I reading a book on screenwriting? Because I read a thread on Backspace that made sense to me. Because I'm a writer and I'm always looking to improve my craft (but in ways that work for me - I'm not about to sign up to any creative writing classes, thanks all the same, but I don't believe you can teach someone creative writing like that. Go ahead, run with that - it's my opinion, and I've yet to be convinced otherwise!).
Plus - I don't have the first clue how to write a screen play, and maybe I'd like to try.

To get back to my first totally insecure comment about self-doubt: It's always there. Always. If it wasn't, I doubt I would try as hard, enjoy this as much, or get such a buzz out of a new contract.

But - self doubt doesn't exist in my published work. That stunned me. I thought I would hold killerbyte in my hands and cringe as I came up with better ways of saying something - after the fact. That doesn't happen. Surprised the hell out of me!
It doesn't happen.
I can read my books and not want to change sentences around or add anything. They are what they are, and my writing is ever evolving.

That's it from me this morning. (Are you enjoying my 4:30am starts??)


Conor said...

Great post about making it happen, Cat! I myself did the opposite of you and learned screenwriting first and then switched to long form when I realized I wanted to say more about my characters. Go figure. Great to hear that you're rounding yourself out as a writer though. Pretty soon you will be able to write the screenplays based on your books when Hollywood comes calling.

Cat Connor said...

Thanks for dropping in Conor (had to check twice to make sure I spelled your name right!), I was asked recently if there was a screen play for killerbyte... and there is a partial - but as I didn't know what I was doing, it may as well not exist. Hoping to improve upon that!! :)

It's always good to add strings to ones bow.


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