Monday, September 7, 2009

what I hate about Spring

Or if you're totally paranoid - What I hate about you.
Which of course isn't an issue unless you are a troll.

Moving right along - Spring has a way of truly pissing me off. Bad enough EVERYTHING is covered with pine pollen - yellow shite is everywhere. It runs in rivers the minute it rains leaving a yellow rim around the gutters and swirls on the footpath. IT MAKES ME SNEEZE. And my eyes run. And Breezy itch.
The other thing worth noting is fuc'n disgusting fat bastard black flies - not big enough to be a true blow fly - more like one in training. Stupid, flighty, and spreading god knows what! They seek every open window and seem capable of dodging the fly strip flapping thingy at the back door. (but the stupid neighbor cat that comes in and eats our cat's poop from the litter box - and food, and gets into the garbage - seems tricked by the addition of the fly strip whatsit! YAY for small mercies.)

Now today has been rather delightful.
Sara J Henry sent me a gift. Not one but two books... A signed copy of Quinn Cummings Notes from the Underwire. AND a copy of A.S. King's The dust of 100 dogs.

Missing Sara's advice about not starting Amy's book until I could read it right through - I luckily opted to take Quinn's book to kindy and subsequently the nearby graveyard for an hour or so of uninterrupted reading.
Oh how I giggled as I read.
The dead didn't mind.
A few people cutting through the church yard looked over and smiled. I think. I was wearing reading glasses, quite honestly they could've raised a finger - I couldn't tell.

It became apparent very quickly that if Quinn and I were to be at the same social gathering - the world would be in considerable trouble... or maybe just the party goers.
Ya see - as dreadful as it is to admit... I have an issue with, well, telling the truth.
I like to do it.
People don't always get that I don't mean to be horrible. If there is any doubt about how big your ass looks in those pants - DO NOT ASK ME. Unless you really want to know the truth.

My kids like to wind my mind up by telling me stuff about their friends and then sitting back and watching the fun, as I meet these unfortunate souls. Ones with no parents (that really is careless), or ill-favored backgrounds (Australian), or who have done something REALLY embarrassing and now I know about it (the drunk girl).
It doesn't matter how careful I try to be I will say something. (a lot of things) Stuff will revolve around my mind and I'll be trying SO hard not to say anything that it just comes out!
Can you imagine what it was like when one of scariest-of-all-daughters friends killed someone in a car crash? I spent years referring to him as Martin the murmurer ... in an effort not to say murderer. It didn't work.

I suspect Quinn is also someone who should not be playing on children's play equipment at the park - I've been banned due to injuring myself a number of times. Seems accidents are part of who I am. I often see them coming... but by then it's too late.

Oh I made the Boy Wonder so happy today he almost hugged me! In fact he beamed - and put his hand on my shoulder -twice! He was near delirious with joy. I cleaned his room.

REALLY cleaned it. It's sparkles. He can even use his desk to study again. I should've taken before and after pictures... it wans't filthy just very messy. I doubt he'd put a shirt or sock away in 6 months!

Now to go cook dinner.


Phil said...

"ill-favored backgrounds (Australian)".. oh I liked that!

Sara J. Henry said...

Glad you are loving Quinn's book! And in person she's exactly like you'd expect from the book (if you read this, Quinn, that's a compliment).

Try to imagine a gathering with the three of us together. Oh my.

Hagelrat said...

flies are totally disgusting and the neighbours cat sounds like a pain in the butt. Book surprises are awesome though!

Cat Connor said...

Phil - it was worse than that. I was so much worse. She's not just part Australian and I said she was handicapped. (more like, 'That's a dreadful handicap to rise above')

Sara - While I was reading last night I was imagining the 3 of us together. Oh my. People would be running in the other direction as fast as possible.

Hagelrat: I have a solution for the cat - but hubby won't buy me a Glock. It seems to be the only solution that will work. (Even a slug gun version would work -a lead pellet in the backside should stop that scummy animal returning!!)

I see you...

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